Starting your own home business can be daunting. It can consume so much of our energy that relationships suffer. Most notably, marriage communication can falter because you are spending so much time on the computer, on the phone, or just thinking about all your exciting ideas. There are even times when marriage councelling (i.e., marriage counseling…see note below) can help in ways that help your business to be more satisfying, if not more profitable.
There comes a point when communication gets stalled. Have you stopped asking because you think you already know the answer? Or are you so convinced that you communicate well that you finish your mate’s sentences? Sometimes we forget to communicate because we get in a comfort zone that can kill a marriage.
Do you remember when you first met? If you lived at a distance, chances are you ran up quite a large phone bill (or spent a lot of time chatting online). As a new couple, you could talk for hours about nothing.
But over time, the conversations became shorter and less enjoyable. Here you are with those one word exchanges: “Dinner?” “Sure.” “Burgers or chicken?” “Chicken.” You know how it goes. To change this monotony, you both have to admit that it’s time to re-start your relationship. Sometimes marriage counseling can give the jump start this renewal process.
Marriage Satisfaction Skills: Why Not Just Wing-it?
Up until the late 20th century, people didn’t go to marriage councelling as we know it today. They didn’t read books on marriage or watch Oprah. They didn’t talk about Dr. Phil latest episode or go to marriage seminars. So why all this fuss about learning better communication skills, how to have a better sexual relationship, and knowing when it’s time to get marriage councelling?
One of the main reasons is that the structures in society used to support a married couple staying together. In more recent times, there are numerous social forces and economic forces that pull couples apart. Many of the messages about marriage in the media imply or state that the passion and the electricity can only be experienced as an affair, a fling, or a “long-term relationship.” In many ways the marriage relationship itself is under siege. Consequently, married couples who wish to create and maintain and intact relationship are almost asking for trouble if they don’t give time and attention to actively growing their relationship, their communication, their common vision, and their intimacy.
As we head into the 21st century, couples who want to have a lasting relationship cannot afford NOT to take the time, energy, and money to work on maintaining and improving the quality of their relationship. Avoiding marriage councelling when communication gets boring is like driving your car year after year without maintenance. Of course not. In western society today marriages generally don’t rejuvenate themselves naturallywithout effort. There are just too many forces such as stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, and temptation that create a kind of entropy within the marriage relationship.
Most couples will not need marriage councelling if they build into their routines specific times to pay attention to what is going on in their relationship and make adjustments. Here is one way to do that: Start planning a few weekends per year to get away for a weekend without kids and without anyone else. Spend most of the time relaxing and or having fun together. For 2 or 3 hours of the weekend (not at one time), have a serious discussion about what is happening in your relationship currently and what are some ways to change it. If this seems too intimidating to do then just read about marriage together and briefly discuss what you have read. Agree ahead of time that you what you discuss may raise issues that cannot be resolved in one weekend.
In marriage councelling, the point is to chip away at one or two issues in some intentional fashion that increases your skill-level. But this can be done without a therapist. (if you can’t do this without marriage councelling, then what does that tell you. Start with simply identifying what each of you think the issues are. Then start with the easier ones first. Now I’m going end with an uncomfortable observation: If you cannot do this you may actually need some outside help. Why? Because without maintenance you may be just waiting for a crisis to get your attention as a couple. An overheated engine that stops running is not the way you want to be reminded that you haven’t been servicing your vehicle
The upshot to all of this can be expressed this way: small repairs with or without marriage councelling can save you a lot of frustration and heartache in the years to come. Especially if the breakdown happens at a very inconvenient time and place (for example, on the freeway at night when it is raining). It’s easier in the long-run to gradually add to your marriage satisfaction skills.
Author’s note: the incorrect spelling of marriage counseling as marriage councelling is intentional for web indexing purposes.
