Know Your Blind Spots

Adult children of alcoholic parents are wise to figure out their own blind spots when they become parents themselves. Although you grew up in a home with one or both of your parents being alcoholics, you want to be certain that you provide a better atmosphere for your own children to grow and thrive in. Adult children of alcoholic parents share certain blind spots while parenting their own children. You know the pain of growing up in an alcoholic home and you know the ways you learned to cope with growing up in that situation. You may have become a miniature adult, a caretaker, and a super responsible little person.  Adult children of alcoholic parents often play the role of the “parentified child.”

Or you might have become the troublemaker or clown to compensate. Maybe you were the peacemaker or the one who never made a fuss and just went along with the program. You may have suffered – not only mental and emotional abuse – but also possibly physical or sexual abuse. You might have felt the disappointment of lies and broken promises or been scared of abandonment. You may have avoided getting too close to anyone for fear that they would go away or neglect you. As tough as it was to grow up like this, you know that’s not the way you want your own children to live. Good for you! You’ve committed to giving your kids a better, healthier, happier life. In that case, it’s important for you to seek out alcoholic help for families and to know where your blind spots might be. What might be your stumbling blocks to giving your kids the best life possible? Adult children of alcoholic parents may find it difficult to break their childhood patterns of coping with life. This is something that you’ll need to pay close attention to when dealing with your own children. Adult children of alcoholic parents carry a heavier load as moms and dads, but they can also discover that they have a lot of support in striving to create a better home atmosphere. You need to look at your current patterns of behavior. If you were the clown or the troublemaker, are you still carrying around those characteristics, and if so, are they causing problems?

Mark the Clown

Little Mark as a 4th grader learned to be a clown to diffuse Dad’s anger when he was about to explode. Mark also learned to be hyper alert to changes in Dad’s facial expressions so that he would know when to start entertaining his Dad. People like Mark as adult children of alcoholic parents often find that their coping mechanisms become obsolete or downright dysfunctional when they trying to navigate parenting themselves. A clown can be fun to be around, but are you also irresponsible? A troublemaker who hasn’t learned to stay out of trouble may be leading a life of legal troubles – not a good example to set for your kids, and certainly not nice for them if they can’t see you because you’re incarcerated.

If you’re a perfectionist as a result of being the responsible “parent” in your childhood home, are you demanding too much from your little ones, who are still learning about life through play and fun? Or have you become an adult doormat who just goes along with the program because you don’t want to make waves? None of these methods are terribly healthy for you or your children. Certainly a dose of humor, responsibility and ability to go with the flow is important for everyone. Even raising Cain once in awhile is probably something that everyone does, even the most emotionally healthy people, now and then.

It Helped You Cope Then;  It’s Dysfunctional Now

Your blind spot might come from still being that person that you were as a child of an alcoholic household. That worked for you then, but now, as a parent, it might be more detrimental than anything. If you are an adult child of an alcoholic and you have children yourself, don’t be afraid to get help. Because there are so many adult children of alcoholic parents, it’s usually possible to find resources and help. Making use of help for adult children of alcoholic parents is an important step in recovery in creating a healthy, happy home. Your family is depending on you to do what you can to help yourself deal with your childhood in a way that makes you into a happier, healthier person – for your sake and your family’s.

Moodiness, anger, and arguments happen in all marital relationships. Every couple has arguments and disagreements. Every couple gets angry now and then – sometimes with each other, sometimes with circumstances of life. When anger is due to hypoglycemic symptoms, then eating a snack becomes more important than marriage councelling. Everyone gets moody now and then and may snap at their loved ones.

But what about when anger or marital arguments boil over into something far more serious?  Uncontrollable anger could be a result of hypoglycemic symptoms and if you or your spouse suffers from bouts of uncontrollable anger, or your arguments get out of hand, it’s possible that hypoglycemic symptoms are messing with your relationship.

Hypoglycemia is a condition where the brain isn’t getting enough of its main food – glucose. Glucose is a sugar that’s produced by the liver and is delivered in steady doses to the brain. This enables the brain to function correctly and to oversee the functions of all of your body’s systems. When the brain isn’t getting enough glucose, it can’t handle its many functions well, and you begin to notice hypoglycemic symptoms. They are:

• Dizziness
• Sweating
• Headache
• Hunger
• Shakiness
• Irritability
• Paleness
• Moodiness
• Clumsiness
• Confusion or lack of concentration
• Tingling around the mouth

You’ll notice that irritability and moodiness are two of the hypoglycemic symptoms on the list. If you add a pounding headache and confusion to the mix, you have the perfect breeding ground for anger. Because the brain is already not functioning well, it doesn’t have the capacity to regulate moods and reactions as well as it would if it were getting enough glucose.

You can see how hypoglycemic symptoms may lead to an angry outburst. Over-the-top anger is bad in any situation and can cause damage well beyond just the immediate outburst. In a marriage, if there are severe outbursts of anger and arguments, the outcome could be damage that is simply not repairable.

It’s important to be checked for hypoglycemia if angry outbursts are common. If the diagnosis is positive, treatment is fairly straightforward and fairly easy. Watching for hypoglycemic symptoms is your first step to ending anger and marital arguments that are just too much to take. Ask for a glucose tolerance test if there is suspicion that you or your partner are suffering from hypoglycemic symptoms.

Even if hypoglycemia is diagnosed and treated, you’ll still have times of irritation and some arguments – this is normal in any marriage. But if you treat the hypoglycemia carefully, you’ll find that the worst of the anger and arguments subside, as do the other hypoglycemic symptoms, leading to a happier, healthier life for everyone.

The Interpretation of Dreams by Freud was a ground-breaking book and has had far-reaching influence. However, there are many people who are curious about Freud dream interpretations but don’t want to read Freud’s rather dense prose. If that describes you, then here you will find a Freud Interpretation of Dreams summary.

Freud Interpretations of Dreams: Dreams are the Guardians of Our Sleep

Everyone has dreams when they sleep. Some people don’t remember their dreams, and some of us remember many of them vividly, but we all have them. Throughout history, we’ve asked the question, “Why do we dream?” and even more so, what do our dreams mean?

Sigmund Freud, considered to be the father of psychoanalysis, maintained that we dream as a way to keep us sleeping – according to him, dreams are the guardians of our sleep. When we head off to bed for a night’s rest, we close out as much external stimuli as possible.

Freud Interpretations of Dreams: Why We Dream

We turn the lights off and close the shades. We try to suppress outside noises. We do all of this so that our bodies can go about the business of getting rest without interruption. It’s a way to disconnect from our daily reality.

During sleep, the mind manufactures dreams as a way to protect us from being disturbed by other stimuli, such as noise, but also things like temperature fluctuations, pain, and the worries, fears, desires and mental and emotional distractions of the day.

Freud’s work was mostly with internal stimuli – worries, negative emotions, thoughts and desires that are forbidden and other thoughts that must be censored in some way. If the brain is busy with these at night, they may cause us to wake and not get the rest we need.

So dreams are the mind’s safe way of keeping the person asleep, while allowing the mind to digest and work on all of the internal stimuli that we have rattling around in our heads every day – negative, positive or forbidden.

Freud Dream Interpretations

Sigmund Freud believed that the dream was made up of two distinct parts – the manifest and the latent content. The manifest content is what the dreamer remembers when they wake, and according to Freud has no meaning because it’s a disguised representation of what’s underlying the dream – the latent content.

Latent content is the true meaning of the dream. It’s the forbidden or negative thoughts and the unconscious desires. These are disguised in the manifest content. Dreams, according to Freud, often have a sexual tone to them and use the symbols in manifest content to signify the underlying sexual meaning of our dreams.

In order to discover the underlying meaning of a dream, Sigmund Freud used the free association method. The dream would be described in the most accurate terms possible. Then the dreamer would focus on a specific piece or symbol in the dream and form as many associations to it as possible.

This allowed the dreamer’s mind to wander and discover the possible underlying meaning, the latent content, of the dream. Freud said that dreams are way of fulfilling suppressed wishes.

Freudian Slip or Pajamas?

Instead of being wakened every night by our unfulfilled wishes and desires, which are usually forbidden, the mind weaves dreams about them to allow us to fulfill them in sleep, allowing us a restful night.

Starting your own home business can be daunting.  It can consume so much of our energy that relationships suffer.  Most notably, marriage communication can falter because you are spending so much time on the computer, on the phone, or just thinking about all your exciting ideas.  There are even times when marriage councelling (i.e., marriage counseling…see note below) can help in ways that help your business to be more satisfying, if not more profitable.

There comes a point when communication gets stalled.  Have you stopped asking because you think you already know the answer? Or are you so convinced that you communicate well that you finish your mate’s sentences? Sometimes we forget to communicate because we get in a comfort zone that can kill a marriage.

Do you remember when you first met? If you lived at a distance, chances are you ran up quite a large phone bill (or spent a lot of time chatting online). As a new couple, you could talk for hours about nothing.

But over time, the conversations became shorter and less enjoyable. Here you are with those one word exchanges: “Dinner?” “Sure.” “Burgers or chicken?” “Chicken.” You know how it goes.  To change this monotony, you both have to admit that it’s time to re-start your relationship.  Sometimes marriage counseling can give the jump start this renewal process.

Marriage Satisfaction Skills: Why Not Just Wing-it?

Up until the late 20th century, people didn’t go to  marriage councelling as we know it today. They didn’t read books on marriage or watch Oprah. They didn’t talk about Dr. Phil latest episode or go to marriage seminars. So why all this fuss about learning better communication skills, how to have a better sexual relationship, and knowing when it’s time to get marriage councelling?

One of the main reasons is that the structures in society used to support a married couple staying together. In more recent times, there are numerous social forces and economic forces that pull couples apart. Many of the messages about marriage in the media imply or state that the passion and the electricity can only be experienced as an affair, a fling, or a “long-term relationship.” In many ways the marriage relationship itself is under siege. Consequently, married couples who wish to create and maintain and intact relationship are almost asking for trouble if they don’t give time and attention to actively growing their relationship, their communication, their common vision, and their intimacy.

As we head into the 21st century, couples who want to have a lasting relationship cannot afford NOT to take the  time, energy, and money to work on maintaining and improving the quality of their relationship. Avoiding marriage councelling when communication gets boring is like driving your car year after year without maintenance.  Of course not. In western society today marriages generally don’t rejuvenate themselves naturallywithout effort. There are just too many forces such as stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, and temptation that create a kind of entropy within the marriage relationship.

Most couples will not need marriage councelling if they build into their routines specific times to pay attention to what is going on in their relationship and make adjustments. Here is one way to do that: Start planning a few weekends per year to get away for a weekend without kids and without anyone else. Spend most of the time relaxing and or having fun together. For 2 or 3 hours of the weekend (not at one time), have a serious discussion about what is happening in your relationship currently and what are some ways to change it. If this seems too intimidating to do then just read about marriage together and briefly discuss what you have read. Agree ahead of time that you what you discuss may raise issues that cannot be resolved in one weekend.

In marriage councelling, the point is to chip away at one or two issues in some intentional fashion that increases your skill-level. But this can be done without a therapist.  (if you can’t do this without marriage councelling, then what does that tell you.  Start with simply identifying what each of you think the issues are. Then start with the easier ones first. Now I’m going end with an uncomfortable observation: If you cannot do this you may actually need some outside help. Why? Because without maintenance you may be just waiting for a crisis to get your attention as a couple. An overheated engine that stops running is not the way you want to be reminded that you haven’t been servicing your vehicle

The upshot to all of this can be expressed this way:   small repairs with or without marriage councelling can save you a lot of frustration and heartache in the years to come.  Especially if the breakdown happens at a very inconvenient time and place (for example, on the freeway at night when it is raining). It’s easier in the long-run to gradually add to your marriage satisfaction skills.

Author’s note:  the incorrect spelling of marriage counseling as marriage councelling is intentional for web indexing purposes.